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Trifextra: Week Two

04 Feb

I found this blog today and figured I’d try their Trifextra Challenge.  I’m always looking for some good writing exercise in which to engage.  The challenge is to “give [us] a complete story in three sentences.”

I attempted to make this an ode to the approaching holiday; to honor lovers everywhere, while bringing to mind the euphoria that accompanies the reward for having bested every obstacle in the path of young love.  This is entitled “First Kiss”

 

 

First Kiss

Peter waits as Kelly’s lips, poised in a perfect kiss, hesitate just fractions of an inch from his.  He braved the torturous deriding of his competition, even a thrashing from her strongest pursuer, Bill Simmons, and conquered the fears and insecurities within his own heart to be under this apple tree, on this secluded hill on the backside of Mr. Hastings’s orchard watching her as she brings her lips to his to reward him.  Now his senses explode as his head swims, his heart pounds and he, lost in time and space becomes nothing but lips, tongue, the smell of blossoms and co-mingled bliss!

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19 responses to “Trifextra: Week Two

  1. Jenna Farelyn (@frelle)

    February 5, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    so many thoughts and so much internal work leading up to the meeting of the lips. and the explosion when they touch, what a wonderful job with the story!

     
    • rogerdengle

      February 5, 2012 at 3:28 pm

      Thanks Jenna. I appreciate your comments. I hope you’ll continue to visit and comment.

       
  2. Satu Gustafson (@SGTarot)

    February 5, 2012 at 11:46 am

    I agree on the second sentence being a bit too long but it was still okay to follow. It was easy to imagine the scene and Peter’s feelings

     
    • rogerdengle

      February 5, 2012 at 3:29 pm

      Thanks Satu. That makes me feel a little better about it. Hope this won’t be your last visit.

       
  3. Jeanna Whitson (@my2sonsmommy)

    February 5, 2012 at 9:39 am

    Takes me back quite a few years (ahem, I mean decades) to a youthful summer but the names and place are different.

    Excellent!

     
    • rogerdengle

      February 5, 2012 at 3:30 pm

      Hi Jeanna. I feel sorry for anyone who can’t remember their own version of this story. It seems to be a rite of passage for most of us. I hope to see you in the comments regularly.

       
  4. Gina Bellandi Freyn

    February 5, 2012 at 9:32 am

    Nothing like that first kiss! I like that they are tucked away and that he is pushing past his comp. Great story. Visiting from Trifecta.

     
    • rogerdengle

      February 5, 2012 at 3:31 pm

      Thanks Gina, for your visit to my humble little blog and for your comments. I still need to go read all the other entries. *note to self*

       
  5. LetMeStartBySaying (@LetMeStart)

    February 5, 2012 at 7:52 am

    A scene from an episode of Bachelorette? A love hard-won between two gentlemen? This could go in different ways, but either way I like his reward. Nice.
    Came from the Trifecta link.

     
    • rogerdengle

      February 5, 2012 at 3:33 pm

      Welcome to my blog, LetMeStart. Thanks for your visit and comments. I’m really glad you liked my submission.

       
  6. Trifecta (@trifectawriting)

    February 5, 2012 at 6:38 am

    Thanks for linking up to this week’s Trifecta challenge. We’re glad you found us and decided to participate. You’ve done a great job here, capturing the headiness of that first kiss. A nice homage to the upcoming holiday. Hope you’ll come back on Monday for our weekday prompt.

     
    • rogerdengle

      February 5, 2012 at 3:36 pm

      Thanks Trifecta. I’m honored by your visit and comment. Thanks for posting the challenges. I really enjoyed writing this one.

       
  7. Carrie

    February 4, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    I love the imagery. You can see the two young lovers hidden away in the orchard. My only critique is that the second sentence is very unweildy. The reader gets a bit lost. I know I had to read it a few times to follow everything 🙂

    I love the culmination of the kiss and the explosion of sensations he has.

     
    • rogerdengle

      February 4, 2012 at 4:59 pm

      Thanks Carrie, I appreciate your comment. I know the second sentence was a little drawn out. I tried to get everything in there without as many words but that’s about as far as I could trim it without losing some of the flavor. I thought it tasted good. ^^ Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I’ll keep them in mind.

       
  8. Gilly Gee

    February 4, 2012 at 4:23 pm

    Yummy! very sensual 😉

     
    • rogerdengle

      February 4, 2012 at 5:01 pm

      Hi Gilly! Glad to see you back here. I figured “Heck! Valentine’s Day deserves something special! Thanks for the comment.

       
  9. Technospunky

    February 4, 2012 at 2:45 pm

    Young love indeed.

     
    • rogerdengle

      February 4, 2012 at 5:02 pm

      Haha! There’s nothing else like young love! Agreed?

       
  10. Technospunky

    February 4, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    Reblogged this on Technospunky blah blah blogging on wordpress and commented:
    Great Blog, keep em coming. ~TS

     
 
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